


Johnny Storm's Very Bad Day

by DriannaHarper



Series: One Day Will Be An Excellent Day.  Till Then... [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Captain America (Movies), Deadpool - All Media Types, Fantastic Four, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack Crossover, Darcy Lewis is Tony Stark's Daughter, F/M, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 14:33:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8289205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DriannaHarper/pseuds/DriannaHarper
Summary: Johnny Storm is not having a good day.  How he ends up on a team of assassins...





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know, guys. I'm working on three pieces for the 'Couch' verse that have all stalled, and this hit me. 
> 
> This is Crack. Really. It probably takes two reads to get who everyone on the new team is, but I've listed their real and code names at the bottom of the story if you'd rather know in advance. I think it's more fun trying to figure it out, but I've also got everyone tagged, so... meh.
> 
> If there is interest, I actually came up with the third part of this series first, but needed some ground work for it. If you guys like it, I'll try to come up with part two, so we can get to three. Enjoy!

Johnny Storm was having a Very Bad Day.

To be fair, the whole team was having a very bad day. But Johnny had plans. Those plans had to do with a very nice looking blond that didn’t seem all that concerned about having a second date, and he was kind of pissed that Doom decided to cock block him.

He wasn’t sure where Doom had gotten so many foot soldiers, but that shouldn’t be a problem. Well, it wouldn’t have been, except apparently the asshole had also developed some sort of machine, or poison, or whatever that was repressing all of their powers. He’d been a little unconscious at the time, but he was pretty sure it was some sort of energy field. His skin was all tingly.

Doom was droning on about his evil plan, because of course he had to grandstand. Johnny sighed, and rolled his head back against the wall he and the others were chained to. Being a superhero was great, he liked being able to help people and stop bad guys, but really? The worst part of the job? Listening to the villain of the week drone on about how much smarter they were. Especially when it was Victor.

Sue was trying to reason with Vicky (and yes, that was how he was going to refer to him in his head from here on out), but they all knew it wouldn’t work. The man was as obsessed with getting Sue back as he was with trying to one up Reed. It was sad. Like, even Johnny knew when to take a ‘no’ at face value and move on.

He was trying to figure out a way to slip out of the cuffs without attracting attention (no, he was never going to tell anyone how many times a pissed ex left him cuffed to a bed), when there was a whine of repulsors , and the building shook as something nearby exploded. The soldiers immediately came to attention, shouting at each other and shouldering their weapons.

“Problem, Vicky?” he asked. He probably should have kept that in his head. Too late now.

“You! You never could be serious, even when faced with death!” Doom stormed. Heh. Stormed.

“That’s why I don’t have those frown lines you have. Also, pretty sure we have a rescue on the way, and it sounded like that included Iron Man, so… I think you have a problem.”

The PA system cut on. Instead of the expected coding to the soldiers, loud music came over the system.

“Na na na na na na na, I WANNA START A FIGHT.”

The doors exploded inwards, and it was NOT the Avengers that came blasting in. What the hell?

The first two charging thorough the hole left where the door used to be were brunette women. One stops the bullets headed their way with some sort of red energy. The other, wearing a steampunk set of goggles and pigtails in buns, shoots lightning out of her hands at the soldiers directly in front of them. After them come two men, both with guns. One has a metal arm, the other is in a red suit and has two swords.

_They’re Katanas._

_I know that. There’s no reason Storm would, though, so pay attention._

_I hate it when people call them swords._

_Oh my god, Wade, stop whining and I’ll let you explain after. Now go kill the bad people._

_Sure thing, Author Lady._

Doom stomps into the fight, and is knocked out almost immediately by the man with the metal arm. Lightning Lady follows up with a blast to his mask to keep him down. The last addition to the group, another brown haired woman, kicks him in the head on her way by. She saunters up to a trio of bad guys, and puts them down with a choreographed move of punches and kicks. The last kick sends the guy straight through a wall.

The Four watch as the team systematically take out the rest of the soldiers. It’s a brutal fight, and he sees Sue and Reed wince more than once. The guy in the red suit takes more than one bullet, but it doesn’t slow him down at all. Well, he does swear a lot, but he still doesn’t stop. In fact, he steps in the way of other shots meant for his team.

Things are almost over, when the Lightning chick calls out, “Jay, do a sweep for stragglers!”

A British voice comes over the PA. “Nothing to be concerned about, Tasertricks. They are contained.”

She spins around, sees Red Suit idly wiping his swords _(DUDE)_ off on a piece of fabric, Metal Arm punching a guy unconscious, Scary Strong Chick throw one last guy against the ceiling, and Energy Girl sending bursts of red through the walls.

“Looks like everything is groovy, J-man. Knock this one off the list. Oh! We got to this one early. We can take time off for that cookout we wanted to do!”  
“Indeed. Would you care for me to destroy the machine currently inhibiting the Fantastic Fours powers?”

“That’d be awesome, bro. Go ahead with that.”

There is another explosion, and Johnny can feel his powers again. He immediately flames through his chains and speeds down to where ‘Tasertricks’ is standing.

“Can I be the first to personally offer my thanks for the rescue?”

She screws up her nose. “I’ll take the thanks, but not the smirk you have on, dude. Step off. Really, it’s for your best interest.”

She points towards the Metal Arm guy. “I’m with that one. And he can punch you into Asgard. For Real.”

Pulling off her goggles, she looks him up and down before extending a hand. “I’m Darcy Lewis. Also? You’re welcome. But for real, friendly flirting only. My guy’s the Winter Soldier, and he can get a bit overprotective. And stabby. Pretty sure you saw the stabby in action.”

By now, the two teams are together, facing off. “Yes, did you have to be so violent?” Sue asks.

Darcy snorts. “Do you have any idea who Victor Von Douchebag recruited?”

“Surely-“

“Anyone here heard of Captain America? And what he was fighting, besides Nazis?”

To everyone’s surprise, it’s Ben that answers. “Hydra. It was an underground movement-“

“That supported the Nazis. Guess who these assholes are,” Darcy states, as she kicks a body over to reveal the Hydra emblem on his sleeve.

“I’ve heard of the Winter Soldier,” Ben says. “He’s an assassin, recruited by Hydra.”

“Brainwashed by Hydra,” Metal Arm says, pulling off his mask. “They got me when I was down. I didn’t have a choice.”

“You’re Bucky Barnes. Sargent James Barnes, of the Howling Commandos. You died in 1943,” Ben says, close to fanboy euphoria. 

“Except I didn’t really die.”

“You fell off a mountain.”

“And didn’t die. Hydra got me. Wiped my memory, programmed me, and turned me into a killer. Darce was my last mission. She made sure it didn’t stick.”

The Four look at Darcy. “It was a dumb idea, because Hydra is a stupid group of people that can’t even recognize that their symbol is a god damned octopus. It isn’t even a hydra. Ugh.

“So, Hydra figured out I work with the Avengers, and they targeted me. They programmed their ‘Asset’ to think I was his wife, and that the Avengers kidnapped me, and that he had to get me back. So he did.”

Bucky shifts his feet, frowning at this, and grabs her hand.

“I wake up in a bed, with this dude cuddling me, and freak out. I punch him in the face, take up evasive maneuvers, and guess what? I recognize the dude. From history books and my friends pictures, but I know who he is.”

“Darce-,” Chick that throws people through walls starts.

“No, Faith, it needs saying. They have to be accountable. So, I know who caught me, and I know we need to get out. He doesn’t think we can, but I have my wily ways, and I convinced him. And we did.”

Bucky squeezes her hand. 

“And we did. Together. Took the whole base out, and we agreed-”

“We didn’t agree, doll. You said you’d set Hydra to burn for what they did to me. And then you asked me to help you do it. Like I’d let you destroy them on your own.”

“And the last thing the brainwashed assassin says, before we kick Hydra ass, is ‘Once I get my brain together, promise if I ask you to go dancing, you’ll say yes.’ Of course I said yes, I mean, duh, look at my guy.”

Darcy looks at Sue with wet eyes. “So, yes. We ‘had to’. Even if you hadn’t been captured, we’d have done the same thing. And no, we couldn’t have been less violent. Did you SEE what happened in DC? If Bucky would have been an Asset for Hydra still, he’d have been there in the fight, and the Avengers might have lost. You don’t want in on this one, sit it out. But for us, this is personal.”

“I’m in.”

Even Johnny is surprised to hear himself say it. Sue gives him The Look, the one that means she has words about his bad decisions, but he ignores it. For once, this seems like a good idea, instead of a fun idea.

The other team is accessing him, he can tell, but finally, the throwing people chick wanders up towards him. 

“I’m Faith. I can turn you into a pretzel if you hurt me or mine.”

“I’m Johnny. I can light your cigarette.”

They square off for another few seconds before she smirks at him. And pulls out a cigarette from her pocket.

“Thank the mayor, I always lose my lighters.”

“So…,” Reed starts. And then stops. He squints at Darcy for a minute. And then frowns.

“You’re the one that refused Stark funding for my project last month. The one-“

“That found seven mathematical problems in the first three slides of your PowerPoint? Yeah, that would be me.”

“You ruined any chance-“

“Of getting Stark funding for a program that wouldn’t work? Yes, still me.”

“You had no right to-“

A repulsor beam shot from her hand towards a Hydra agent that was starting to try to get up. He went down in a heap. She turned and shot another agent with lightning from her other hand.

Huffing, she got into Richards face. “I know what I’m doing, and you don’t respect that.

“I had every right, jerk. Your math didn’t work. It didn’t work on that mission you did, either. You know, the one that got all of you powers? And turned Vic down there into a super villain? Maybe use a calculator, next time.

“Also, I happen to have a vested interest in Stark Industries. I do own half of it, after all. And Dad is NOT going to be happy with what you just said. He’s listening in, isn’t he Jay?”

“Of course. He is also pouting, since you did not include him on the roster.”

“I’m not pouting!” Came Tony’s voice from the com.

“Of course not, sir. Throwing tools across the room for Dummy to collect is usual practice.”

“You- you’re-“ Richards sputtered.

“Tony’s kid. Yeah, keep that on the down low, okay? Also, have Ben double check your math for you. You good, you got this? Flame boy, want to meet the rest of the team? I’ll text you the address.”

She starts to storm out the door to the jet, when the Soldier and Witch stop her. They both side eye her for a minute, before she sighs.

“You guys need a lift? We are in the middle of no and fucking where.”

“Well, if it’s help from a Stark, oof-“ Richards gets cut off by Sue’s elbow. 

“If you’re willing to-“

“Sorry, but, super hero landing. He’s gonna do it. Sucks on the knees, right bic boy?” Deadpool chimes in. “And in five, four… Darce is already pissed… BAM. He did the fist and everything.”

“You don’t call, you don’t write-“ Iron Man starts.

“Because I had this. Look around, does it look like the adults need supervision?”

Stark looks around. “You have Reed Richards in play. Literally, the last person I want you around. Besides-“

“Besides nothing, I had this. And if you want to bring up-“

“The summit? That was going to-“

“Oh you don’t even. That was going to be the next in AI and you didn’t even-“

“Show up, I know, but there was a thing. It was an important thing, I couldn’t-“

“Oh my gods, I am going to have to fix your mix up, again? What was it this time?”

Iron Man’s faceplate pops open. “My kid was out fighting bad guys, and she didn’t call me. Had to make sure she and her idiot husband were okay.”

Darcy walks straight into the suit and hugs it. “Jerk. Shouldn’t have doubted me. You gave me repulsors and tasers in my gear. I have this.”

He hugs her back as much as he can in the suit. “Yeah, well… you were still stuck with Richards shitty math, so I had to check in.”

Darcy steps back, and sniffles. “Jarvis? Do the thing.”

The Iron Man armor comes off, and Tony steps out. He is immediately accosted by Deadpool, who jumps into his arms, bridal style. “I never doubted our love.”

Tony is then swarmed by the rest of the team. It’s suddenly a group hug, and he doesn’t know how to set Wade down without dropping him. Only Faith, Bucky and Johnny hold back. Tony rolls his eyes.

“I can’t convince her that her team should join the Avengers, so… if you’re part of her team, you’re part of our family. So get the hell over here, and hug it out.”

The three finally join in, and it’s only the plaintive question from Reed that gets a glare from all of them.

“So… We can still get a ride home, right?”

 

Darcy (Stark) Barnes-Lewis- Tasertricks  
Bucky Barnes-Lewis- The Winter Soldier  
Faith Lehane- The Dark Slayer  
Wanda Maximoff- The Scarlett Witch  
Wade Wilson- Deadpool  
JARVIS- Just a Rather Very Intelligent System (Stark)  
Johnny Storm- The Human Torch

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said. Crack. But I like the idea of this team of loners finding a family in each other. And then kicking Hydras ass. With a soundtrack. All of the bases I've got them taking out in my head have a musical accompaniment. I think that's needed when you get Wade involved. 
> 
> Also! Ideas for a team name and/or series name are welcome! 
> 
> Until next time!


End file.
